Metro Wind: Behold the Phenomenon

Today, I want to direct your attention to one of the DC metro region's most pressing social concerns. An issue that needs dire attention and requires drastic action. An issue that is on the mind's daily of men, women and children all over the area. No, we are not talking about the economy or national security...or even the cost of healthcare. Far more important than all of those put together. We, my friends, are talking about Metro wind.

You know, the crazy cold wind that comes out of nowhere and whips around you as you hurry down the escalators into your station. Even when all is calm outside and there is no wind to speak of, your quick trip down the escalators is accompanied by ferocious mini-tornadoes that sends a chill down your back and puts a new hair style on your head. For the ladies out there (or anyone with long hair), your hair never looks the same, after you get to your train, as it did before you ventured below ground that day. You realize you're not alone when everyone walking through the ticket gates is recombing their hair with one hand while swiping their SmartTrip with the other. You find yourself wondering, "Where does it come from??"

Right there with 'ya bro, right there with 'ya. Where does it come from? And why can't it be stopped? When I asked this question on Twitter, many of our ever-so-clever followers (we have 800 now!) quickly tweeted back to tell us that the wind came from the trains moving. Hmm, now that is a brilliant thought! Yes, the wind comes from the trains. I get that. And so do you. But how the hell does the movement of the trains way far away cause a never-ending vortex wind tunnel to form around the escalators at the entry? That is what I'm after. And to be honest, I'm sure there are some crazy smart physicists out there who can tell me that the displacement of the air caused by the trains in the tunnel takes the path of least resistance to exit and come up the escalators, causing the "Metro wind" phenomenon to exist - and I'm sure they will provide multiple mathematical formulas to prove it. But that would just bore me right now...I'm looking for something or someone juicy to blame. I'm leaning towards blaming George Bush. And not George H. W. either, I'm thinking our main man George W. Yep, it's either Bush or Karl Rove. One of these guys is responsible.

Ladies and gentleman - I am here to tell you today that I will NOT stop until I get answers. Until we, as a people, united together, solve this crisis and stop this Metro wind phenomenon once and for all. Karl Rove, you are going down.

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