Metro Misinformed - Part 1: The Doors Will Pop Right Back Open

For my last birthday, I made plans downtown with friends on a Saturday night. Trains are few and far-between from Takoma on the weekends, and I always seem to miss them by about two minutes, which in the winter means 14 minutes of me huffing on my hands as if I could possibly keep myself warm. On this particular night in December, I saw the train as I ran up the escalator and hopped on at the last second. Trouble is, I left my roommate standing on the platform.

Once those doors start to close, you're done. We both knew better than to try to wrestle the doors open by sticking one of our limbs out. So I gave her a pitiful little wave, and everyone on the train laughed, and I got out at Fort Totten and sat on one of the cold stone benches for 14 more minutes until my roommate's train came ambling along to meet me. Valuable wintertime lesson learned.

Skip up to last week when I boarded at Dupont Circle on a weekday evening to hop over to Union Station. What I presume to have been a mother, daughter, and granddaughter boarded in front of me. As they stepped over the gap, one of the women said to the little girl, "Remember honey, if the doors start to close and you're in the way, they'll pop right back open."

HUH? I balked. These people were seriously misinformed. Were they tourists, or just inexperienced riders? Or did this woman just have a screw loose?

I wanted to tell the girl not to trust her mother, and that the doors would cut off the circulation in her arm like a bear trap on a....well, a bear. But I kept my mouth shut. It wasn't my place to jump in and correct them. Instead, I bit my tongue and silently willed the WMATA to record a new warning--a louder, more frequent warning--about the consequences of getting in the way of the doors. If you need a voiceover, guys, just call me. I know what I'm talking about.